Empathy and Parent Persistence Solves Problems

Last week, I was interviewed about the topic of bullying.  Like all things in life, being acutely aware of any issue and educating yourself about them, can provide you with ways to deal positively with the topic.  Bullying and teasing is no different.  As a principal and a father of two, ages 11 and 7, I want children to have the ability to recognize the power of one's words and actions.  They can heal as much as hurt.  Kids need to be taught how to work with their peers when they have differences and empathy is something that we all need a hefty dose of at times.  I am reminded of the great lesson on empathy that Atticus Finch teaches his daughter Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird when he says, "First of all, if you can learn a simple trick Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." [34]. "One time he [Atticus] said you never really know a man until you stand in his shoes and walk around in them." [282]

Like Atticus did for Scout,  it is our direct, constant, and consistent modeling of "how to" resolve conflicts positively that will have the largest impact on them.  Getting them to "see" from different perspectives is a skill to be learned and quite effective for combating problems.  If we swear when we are angry, or yell at someone when things don't go as we would like . . . . . . children learn and will repeat these behaviors.  Children need to be taught to seek positive resolutions and to do so requires them to realize that at times it is just as OK to walk away and ignore, as it is to come to an agreed understanding.  Yes, walking away after you have been able to share your frustrations, is a skill.  Part of this whole process is building the self-confidence to communicate when you have been wronged, but also to move on from that without feeling badly about yourself.  Until that occurs, we continue to help children by mediating and teaching empathy; how to have it and why it reduces conflicts.

Technology also presents another layer for dealing with conflict.  As a parent, you better know the involvement your children are having online through social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, or self created blogs.  Cell phones and texting is another culprit for engaging in less that empathetic behavior.  It is a lot easier to say something badly about someone when you don't have to look them in the eye to do so.  We should encourage and allow the use of these tools.  However, as adults, we need to model for them appropriate use and teach them how to handle situations they encounter.  Know your children's friends and the technology used to communicate. Without knowing we can't help and technology requires us to be more available.